(Continued from last edition)
It’s projection, not rejection: When people do us wrong, they are simply projecting who they really are; so, it’s not necessarily about you. A lot of times, the fault is not from us but from those trying to project their fears, insecurities and low self-esteem on us. Again, it is not about you, it is about them. That you got “rejected” in getting a job offer doesn’t necessarily mean you are not adequate or qualified for the job. It would do you good to view it that that organisation just lost the opportunity to employ one of the greatest staff of all time. You may think that sounds exaggerative but if you truly believe you are deserving of a good role in any great company, regardless of the salary they want to pay you, then such a statement should resonate with you – except, of course, you don’t think you are worth it.
It’s protection, not rejection: Again, many situations that people consider embarrassing and tag as rejection are actually for their protection. If you are jilted or abandoned, for example, it would do you a whole lot of good if you consider the matter as protection from someone who isn’t meant to be in your space any longer. This is not about hating the fellow, but the reality is that not all your friends can be your caucus friends. For example, even though Jesus loved all His disciples equally, there was a reason some names frequently came up each time he wanted to get into some deeper dimensions of His mandate.
One challenge of many “victims” of rejection is that they find it hard to come to terms with the reality of someone saying no or rejecting them directly or indirectly. This could be either saying it to their face or by starving them the attention and time required to nourish the friendship or relationship. We must learn to see things the way they are and not fall into the trap of seeing them the way we are.
Celebrate and focus on your uniqueness. If there is a time you need a distraction from “rejection”, it is right now. The feeling of rejection tends to hurt more when someone feels stuck. You look at yourself and cannot see yourself making any significant progress in life towards the attainment of your goals or dreams. The truth is, the time to stop blaming someone else for your issues is now.
How reasonable does it sound to you blaming your current predicament on the fact that your rich brother-in-law who sponsored your high school and college education didn’t pay for your masters degree the same way he did for his own biological children. Hence, you do not see a need to accord him any credit whatsoever. Trust me, if you continue with this sense of entitlement, not only would you lose many more quality friendships – if you developed any at all – but also, you could self-destruct soon.
I love the way Sylvester Stallone put the words in one of his iconic movies, Rocky 3. He told the fellow that played the role of his brother-in-law in that movie when he sensed he was feeling entitled, “Nobody owes nobody nothing”. That’s it. Let that sink into you right now. People don’t owe you, they only do things for you because they want to.
Friend, get real and stop living in a bubble. Whatever you cannot confront you cannot correct. To really deal with rejection, understand that the approach might have to be through insulation and not isolation. In order words, you must be honest enough with yourself to face realities than running away from the real issues or living in fools paradise.
Forgive people ahead of time. The earlier you realise that people will hurt you, the better. However, there is a higher dimension in handling this, it is by understanding that even though offences will come, an offence is best defined by the offended not the offender. In other words, it is still within your control. Giving, forgiving and thanksgiving only happen without struggle when we are conscious of one fact – humans do not have the capacity not to offend fellow humans; we are not wired that way. That is why the saying goes that “to err is human but to forgive is divine”.
Continues next edition.
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